BN: How long have you been selling bagels out of your van?
Bob: 75 years. Everyone loves bagels.
Is it true people used to call you the bagel wizard?
That’s the name they gave me on the street. I used to have a long white beard and elegant robes. Now I’m a lot more low key and keep my identity private.
Have you thought about starting a food truck?
Yes, but I like my van. I’ve got 420 different vans on my property in east Texas. Had to build a parking lot next to the bagel storage facility. The best way to travel across America is in a van, filled with bagels. Can you smell them?
Yes, the smell is intoxicating. Where did you start?
That information is classified. Next question please.
How many bagels have you sold?
About forty two hundred million around the world. I offer 30 different flavors of cream cheese. I reckon that’s why people keep coming back for more. Once you begin going down the rabbit hole of combining different cream cheese flavors with various variaties of bagels it’ll make functioning in the real world very difficult.
Do you have help?
Overtime I slowly learned how to quantum shift into other dimensions and be conscious of multiple realities at once. This allows me to sell bagels with maximum efficiency to a lot of people simultaneously. No further questions please, I have customers waiting.